Pokemon Yellow: Downward Spiral into Madness
by MisterDrBob
Summary: Pokemon Yellow from my perspective. I'm just trying to get by in life, but no, stupidity seems to follow me as I try and become a Pokemon Trainer. Rated T for questionable sanity and humor
1. Chapter 1

Pokemon Yellow: Downward Spiral Into Madness

Summary: When everyone in the world but you is an idiot. My painful adventures as a not-so-silent protaganist through Pokemon Yellow.

Disclaimer: Pokemon is owned by Nintendo. So what else is new?

_I guess I should start by saying a few things. I'm not that big a Pokemon fan. I followed the show just like every other seven year old back in the late 90s, then I went through a natural 'Pokemon is lame' phase. Then I became a gamer, then a fan of Super Smash Bros. At that point, I conceded that while I would never again be a hardcore fan, Pokemon was alright. This story arose from playing Yellow version. Back when I was a fan, I would beg my best friend to let me start a game on his GameBoy (my parents staunchly refused to buy me one). He eventually did, but he started playing on it himself after a couple of gyms. Just last Christmas, I was at a White Elephant party. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, a White Elephant is where everyone brings a gift (usually a gag gift), and they are set in the middle of a floor. The guests draw numbers. The number indicates the order backwards (in some cases, it is forwards) that people go. The first person picks a gift and unwraps it. Everyone else, when its their turn, has the option of opening a new gift or stealing an opened one. Once a gift's changed hands three times, it is out. That person owns it. This occurs until all gifts have owners. Anyhow, one of the gifts given was Pokemon Yellow and a GBA SP. I already had an older GBA, but it didn't matter since I didn't get it. At first at least. They went to a kid at the party. I ended up with a Veer Bradley purse (which ended up becoming my sister's Christmas gift). However, he didn't look to happy with what he'd gotten. Acting on impulse, I quietly violated the rules and whispered to him: "I'll take those off your hands for five bucks." He instantly agreed. So, I ended up with the game and GBA. I sold the GBA for ten dollars a few days later (it would have been more, but I didn't have its charger), but decided to keep Yellow. I haven't played it much since, but I was just now. Its the middle of the night as I'm writing this (2:51 am to be precise), and I can't sleep. I was playing Yellow, still very early on in the game (I was getting the Pokedex. For the record, I've also played a bit of Pearl, and a fair deal of LeafGreen.) and I had a late night burst of creative insight. Some of the NPCs quirks just unhinged me. That's what this fic is about. Its about a competent Pokemon trainer, wise beyond his years, who has to cope with the idiotic, and sometimes downright insane, residents of his world. Enjoy! _

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Chapter 1

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and I was fast asleep. Well, not really. It was one of those sleeps where you're awake, but its one of those days, like a Saturday or the first day of summer vacation, where you're just too lazy to get up. I was suddenly aware that I was not exactly alone in my room. Someone was standing at my bed a little too close for comfort and breathing a little too loud. Slowly opening my eyes, I shrieked like a little girl when I saw an old man standing at my bed.

"Who the heck are you?!" I shouted, pulling my covers up as if that would protect me.

"Hello there! Welcome to the world of Pokemon! My name is Oak. Some people call me the Pokemon Professor!"

"Okay, what are you doing in my house?"

"This world is inhabited by creatures called Pokemon!"

"No!" I said sarcastically feigning surprise.

"For some people, Pokemon are pets, but others use them in fights."

"So I'm in a game that encourages cockfighting between animal-like creatures? Where did Nintendo's innocence go?! Oh wait, that's right. Out the door with Shigesato Itoi's. Good grief, out loud that was in incredibly bad taste!"

"Myself....I study Pokemon as a profession."

"You still haven't told me why you're in my house."

"First, what is your name?"

"My name....uh...it's....Bob."

"Bob? Not Ash, not Jack, not Yellow?"

"Bob."

"Right. Your name is Bob! This is my grandson. He's been your rival since you were a baby. Erm...what was his name again?"

"You don't know your own grandson's name? What, are you senile or just plain stupid?!"

"Was it Blue, or Gary, or John, or...?"

"You know what, I think he looks like a Neil. The douchebag's always named Neil." (No offense to anyone named Neil, but I find that to be very true. Everyone I've met named Neil has been **very** annoying.)

"That's right! I remember now! His name's Neil! Bob, you're very own Pokemon legend is about to unfold! A world of dreams and adventures with Pokemon awaits! Let's go!"

"Huh? What adventures? You haven't answered any of my questions!" But he was gone. "That was wierd." I said to myself. "I guess I may as well get up and try and forget what's happened. I know! Nothing like playin' the good ol' SNES to kill brain cells! Let's see.....Super Mario World, Zelda: A Link to the Past, Super Metroid, DK Country, SMW2: Yoshi's Island, Kirby SuperStar, F-Zero, Star Fox, EarthBound, Super Punch-Out!!, Mega Man 7, Mega Man X, Street Fighter II, Final Fantasy III, Castlevania IV, Sonic the Hedgehog, wait what the crap?" I siezed the previously unnoticed Sega Genisis cartridge. "Er...I don't really want to know how this got here. Man, things are crazy today. I mean, a Sega game in a Nintendo game? Next thing you know, Sonic and Mario will be in the **same game**. lol. Yeah right. Like that would _ever_ happen!"

I eventually settled on Street Fighter II after Super Metroid succeeded in giving me a temporary aneurism. I love that game, but I always get stuck. Street Fighter II though never gets too terribly old. I was about to face off against Sagat as mah boi Guile when my mother called me down for breakfast. I figured I'd better get down there and tell her about what had happened since I hadn't managed to purge my memory banks of the old pedophile.

"Hey Mom."

"Good morning Bob. It's true. All boys leave home someday. That's what it said on TV."

"Wait, what? You're kicking me out because of something you watched on TV? What is this world coming to?! Next thing you know Punch-Out!! will get a sequel!"

My mom refused to say anything else. I took this as my cue to leave. This was it! I was ten years old and homeless. I had no job, no money, no...anything. I couldn't bear it! I rushed back inside.

"Mommy please don't make me go!" I sobbed throwing myself on the floor. "All those times I talked about how I couldn't wait 'til I was eighteen, I never meant any of it! Please let me back in! Ple-he-he-hease!!!!11!1!1!!"

"Professor Oak next door was waiting for you."

"Huh? The guy who was in my room? You're in league with him?! You know what? Forget it! I don't want to live here anymore! Goodbye you nasty old hag!" Normally, I would have felt a boulder sized piece of guilt settle into my stomach for speaking to my mother that way, but the fact that she was throwing me out to some old creeper clinched it: she was not worthy of my respect. Having half a mind to clean his clock, I decided I would try once more to get to the bottom of this business with Professor Oak. His lab was just by my house. I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed it before. It was kind of biggish, and kind of hard to miss. But I took it in stride and strode through the door (pardon the pun). There were a couple of lab assisstants milling about by the bookshelves, not actually doing anything, and the old man.

"You!" I shouted, advancing on him ready to bring the pain.

"Oh hay thar sexay." Oak said in a ridiculously stereotypical southern gay voice. "Y'all ready to get my gift?"

"I have no intention of finding out what you mean by that."

"Well you want a Pokemon, don't you? Little kids _love_ Pokemon!"

"Um, sure. I guess. Ooh! I get to pick from three right? Bulbasaur, Squirtle, or Charmander? Well, I can't possibly pick between them since they're all so cool, so I have an idea! Let's Make a Deal! Mmhm! Monty Hall's Dilemma! You'll randomly assign one Pokemon to be the car, and the other two to be the goats! Then I'll pick one, and you show one I didn't pick that's a goat! Then I can decide whether I want to stick with the one I picked or switch!"

"Um, no way Jose. I have one picked out special for you!" he sang that last word. It really bugged me.

"OK. I'll take the one you offer if you promise to never sing 'you' like that ever again."

"Deal. Go on, take it." I moved toward the table where the single Pokeball sat. As I reached out to it, the door burst open, and my rival ran in, panting unnecissarily loud as if to make a point of how fast he was going.

"Grrr-RRAMPS! WTC man? You told me you'd give me a Pokemon! Why are you giving one to this loser?"

"Niel? I told you to come over later. Oh whatever. Go on and take it Bob." I stretched out to oblige when Neil shoved me to the floor.

**Neil snatched the Pokemon!**

"What's wrong with you man?! I think I sprained my wrist! And what's with the text bubble?! Geez!"

"Nuuuu! I want this one!"

"Oh, fine. I was going to give you one anyway."

"You're going to tolerate this?! This brat just shoved me to the floor, stole my Pokemon, and probably gave me a minor to debilitating injury!"

"Well, I caught this one earlier today. I guess you can have it. But I must warn you little boy. It ain't tame. It's one o' them feral Pokemon. You best watch your fingers now, y'hear?"

"Ooh! A feral Pokemon? What is it? Oh! I bet it's a Gyarados, or a Growlithe or a..."

"Pikachu!" The Pokemon burst from its Pokeball.

"A Pikachu. Oh yeah. That's just great." It was the sickeningly cute electric mouse Pokemon.

"Well would you look at that? It doesn't like its Pokeball. Not that I can blame the lil critter though. Got caught in one of those myself once. It wasn't too pretty."

"What do I do? This won't do to have my Pokemon blatantly defy me! Pikachu! Back in the ball!" It refused.

"Oh I know! Maybe he don't like the name Pikachu! You know you can nickname them."

"Whoah really? How about Sparky? No, Electro? No, copyright infringement. Blitz? No that makes him sound like a Buckeye or a Nazi. Charge? No...I give up. Nicknames are lame."

"My Pokemon looks a lot stronger than yours!" Neil said randomly.

"Is that a challenge? Oh it's on like Donkey Kong!" My view of the world suddenly went black as intense music started up.

**Rival Neil sent out EEVEE!**

"Oh sure, he gets one of the only ones that's cuter than mine! And again, what's with the text bubbles?! Oh, whatever. Go Pikachu!"

Pikachu leaped out in front of me, facing down the even more sickeningly cute fox-like Pokemon.

**FIGHT PKMN**

**ITEM RUN**

"Okay, this thing with the text bubbles is really starting to wierd me out. Fight already!

**THUNDERSHOCK**

**GROWL**

"Growl? What kind of wimp move is that? Thundershock!"

"Pika-CHUUUU!" my new companion cried as it unleashed 4000 volts into Eevee's body. However, it did not voom. It just jizzed. I was disappointed. I'd wanted to see it voom then faint.

"Oh Bobby! Growl lowers the other Pokemon's defense! Them Pokemons are excitable little guys. Scared real easy."

"If you _ever_ call me Bobby again, I'll rip-"

**Enemy EEVEE used TACKLE! **

My Pikachu flinched slightly at the physical attack.

"Okay, Pikachu! Use growl!"

Pikachu complied, unleashing a harmless sounding squeak. Whatever it was supposed to accomplish though, it did it.

**Enemy EEVEE's ATTACK was lowered!** **Enemy EEVEE used TAIL WHIP! **

"Okay, what's with the turn-based fight? Does that actually happen in real life? Meh, no matter. Pikachu, use Thundershock, and give this one some juice!" Pikachu charged up its energy, gathering its tiny fists to its cheeks where the electic current was concentrated, and let it all out in one gigantic thunderbolt. Eevee most definitely voomed. And then fainted.

**PIKACHU gained 97 EXP. PIKACHU grew to LV. 6! PIKACHU learned TAIL WHIP! Bob defeated Neil!**

"W00T! Yeah! In yo' face Neil!"

"What? Unbelievable! I picked the wrong Pokemon!" Neil cried throwing down the obligatory winning money.

"No, you just suck." I said cheerfully as I collected the money.

"I know, I'll make it fight to toughen it up!"

"Again, that just sounds really cruel and maybe even unusual."

"Bob, Gramps, smell ya later!" And he rushed out.

"Okay, who actually says 'smell ya later' anymore? What, is he trying to be Will Smith in the 90s or something?"

"I think I might have a solution to your perilous Pikachu problem!" Oak said trying to sound whimsical. "Why don't you just keep it with you? That way you can see how it likes you!"

"I'm pretty sure it hates me."

"Oh come on, be optimistic, be happy! Like me!"

"No, it's tatooed I H8 BOB on its chest. It really hates me."

"Aw, ain't that a cryin' shame. Well, I can get that zapped right off."

"I don't think I'd really trust you with that." Oak looked vaguely dejected, but I couldn't really care less. This man was not good for my mental health. Backing away slowly, I made my way out the door only to back up into a morbidly obese villager.

"Isn't technology amazing?! You can-"

"Yeah! Don't care!" I sprinted away from him, down the Route 1 path. Soon, I was in Viridian City.

"Odd," I said, "I don't remember the next town being this close." I walked up to the Poke Center, intending to see if I could get my Pikachu's tatoo removed. The door jangled as I opened it. I walked up to the Nurse Joy at the desk who was standing by a Chansey.

"Welcome to our Pokemon Center!" She said in a voice like an angel. "We heal your Pokemon back to perfect health!" The Chansey beside her crooned its two bits.

"Yeah, I'd like to get this tatoo removed." I said trying to keep control of my faculties.

"Ok, I'll need to see your Pokemon." I handed her the Pikachu, much to its protest. She shoved it into a painful looking machine.

"Um, I think those are for Pokeballs only--" I said, but soon enough, Pikachu was back out looking better than ever. The tatoo was gone without a trace, and it looked a little more cheerful.

"There you go! Your Pokemon are fighting fit!"

"But I only have one."

"We hope to see you again!"

"Should I take that to mean that you want to see my Pokemon injured?!" I shouted, pointing my finger at her. "You are sick, lady, sick! Sick sick sick, Triple sick! Sadistic!" I gathered up Pikachu and ran. This was going to be a long journey.

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Author's Notes: I've had this sitting on my computer forever, and figured I need to publish it. Yeah, I really am unhinged by some of the things the NPCs say, so this story kind of revolves around that, but there are some other elements of stupidity that I'll point out. Next chapter, the Viridian Forest! Read and reveiw!


	2. Chapter 2

Pokemon Yellow: Downward Spiral Into Madness

Summary: When everyone in the world but you is an idiot. My painful adventures as a not-so-silent protaganist through Pokemon Yellow.

Disclaimer: Pokemon is owned by Nintendo. So what else is new?

Chapter 2

As I exited the Poke Center, I looked around the town. Viridian City was about the same size as Pallet, but much more urban. Still, it didn't look like there was too much to do. Figuring I needed to get some Poke balls if I was going to actually do this Pokemon training thing, I entered the nearby Poke Mart.

"Hey! You came from Pallet town ?" The clerk asked.

"Yeah I-"

"You know Professor Oak, right?"

"Well define know-"

"His order came in. Will you take it to him?"

"Well I-"

"Okay! Say hi to Professor Oak for me!" the clerk said as he threw a parcel at me.

BOB GOT OAK'S PACKAGE.

"Oh for..."

SORRY. BOB GOT OAK'S **PARCEL**.

"Great, even the invisible people who write the text boxes have gone crazy." I said as I grudgingly picked up Oak's parcel and began the trudge back to Pallet Town. Fortunately, I could jump the little ledges that dotted the path. They didn't look too high, but for some reason, I'd decided to not climb them before. I decided not to think about it too much as I reached my hometown and entered the lab.

"Well!" Oak huffed, "Looks like Mr. Sassy-pants came back."

"Look, I'm sorry about the tatoo thing, but I did get it off." I said showing him Pikachu. "But I'm here 'cause the freak at the Viridian Poke Mart sent me to deliver this." Oak shrieked like a little girl.

"OMG this is sooooo cewl! This is that super-awesome custom Poke ball I ordered! Isn't it just the cutest thing?" He wrenched the parcel from my hands and took out a ridiculously glammed up Poke ball.

"Thanks Bob. By the way, I must ask you to do something for me."

"Look, I thought I made it clear-"

"GRAMPS!" An annoyingly familiar voice called as a twelve-bar blues/rock riff reminiscent of the Beach Boys began playing. Oh joy, it was the douche. "Gramps, my Pokemon has grown stronger! Check it out!"

"Ah Neil, perfect timing! I needed to ask both of you to do something for me."

"What, now you've got your grandson in on this? What kind of sick-"

"On the desk there is my invention, the Pokedex. It automatically on Pokemon you've seen or caught! It's a high-tech encyclopedia!"

"Cool!" I said as I took the small device.

BOB GOT POKEDEX FROM OAK.

"To make a complete guide on all the Pokemon in the world... That was my dream! But I'm too old! I can't do it! So I want you two to fulfill my dream for me!"

"Oh what, so you're living through your grandson, and me, a kid you only know 'cause you creep on him?! You're a sad man Oak."

"Get moving you two! This is a great undertaking in Pokemon history!"

"Alright Gramps, leave it all to me!" Neil said. "Bob, I hate to say it, but I don't need you!"

"So that's how it is huh? Well guess what, Neil. I don't need you!"

"I know! I'll borrow a town map from my sis! I'll tell her not to lend you one, Bob! Hahaha!"

"Okay, now you're just being a bigger jerk than usual." But the blues riff had started again. I had a feeling I would come to dread that sound.

"Well, Pokemon around the world are waiting for you, Bob!" Oak said cheerfully as he shoved me out the door. "Have fun sweetie!" I decided to try and see if Neil was really getting a map, so I went to his house. It was on! Neil wasn't home. But his sister was.

"Hey Bob."

"Hey...what's your name again?"

"I'm an NPC you only encounter once. My name's not important. Grandpa asked you to run an errand? Here, this will help you!"

BOB GOT A TOWN MAP!

"Use it to find out where you are." She explained.

"Neil hasn't come here?"

"Nope."

"He bragged he was going to get this from you and tell you not to give it to me." She snorted.

"Please. That kid can't even tie his shoes without adult supervision." It occurred to me then how incredibly attractive Neil's sister was. Why had I never noticed this? She seemed to know what I was thinking.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Oh. Right." I said awkwardly as I left. I put her out of my mind as Pikachu and I went back up the path to Viridian City. I was about halfway there when I noticed another pedestrian. He walked up to me and asked

"Free sample?"

"Of what?" I asked suspiciously.

"Oh, well, I work at the Poke Mart, and in order to attract business, we're offering free samples!"

"Wow. That's pretty cool. So, what've you got?"

"Well, I've got a couple potions, a few Poke balls, an antidote, and my wallet." Pikachu stared up at me and grinned evilly. I returned the evil grin, and we both glared evilly at the poor sucker.

Five seconds later, we were running from the scene.

"You know," I said, "this might work out after all." Pikachu made a noise of agreement and we kept on to Viridian City. As we entered the grass, the screen went dark. When it cleared up, I was facing a tiny bird-like Pokemon.

A WILD PIDGEY APPEARED!

"Ooh! Cool! Time for me to catch my first wild Pokemon!" At this point, I'm getting rather tired of narrating every single step to you people. So, I caught the Pidgey. I'm leaving what exactly happened up to your imagination.

I continued on, finally returning to the city. I considered stopping by the Poke Mart, but I'd stolen everything I'd need for a while. And going to the Center was out of the question with that psychotic nurse. No way but forward, into the Viridian Forest.

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Author's Notes: Uh oh. Sounds scary, no? Sorry this took so long to update, but I haven't played Yellow too much. I have a lot of stuff on my plate right now in life, let alone gaming.


End file.
